I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
