He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
