erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
