It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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