She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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