I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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