But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think my vagina is haunted
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Randomize
