I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
