Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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