there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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