What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
