Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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