Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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