we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
