I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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