Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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