Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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