You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
