Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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