Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
