I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
