Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
