Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
