those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
