This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
