I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
