i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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