4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize