Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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