im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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