I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
