Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
