Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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