"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
