And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
