how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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