Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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