is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
