I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
