dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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