i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
