Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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