I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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