this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
