I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
