my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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