tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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