she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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