We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
