through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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