I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
