morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
