i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
