i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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