He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
