i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
