Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
