I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
