Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why didn't you poke me back
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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