my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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