Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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