hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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