the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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