Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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