Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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