totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
