I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
