sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
