I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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