Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.