Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

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(617): Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move http://tfl.nu/h692

Replies (54) Good night (678) Bad night (3160)
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(415): View more from California

if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?

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(415): if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays? http://tfl.nu/4fwl

Replies (26) Good night (1037) Bad night (4755)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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(732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6

Replies (48) Good night (7840) Bad night (2287)
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(904): View more from Florida

Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

(1-904): View more from Florida

six.

(904): View more from Florida

Oh, I thought it was higher.

(1-904): View more from Florida

No, that would be the Matt's

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(904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg

Replies (33) Good night (6837) Bad night (1729)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

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(508): I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/gqi2

Replies (8) Good night (5307) Bad night (1467)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"

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(419): I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion" http://tfl.nu/b5an

Replies (11) Good night (7210) Bad night (1172)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

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(215): I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns. http://tfl.nu/6hbs

Replies (9) Good night (4313) Bad night (1033)
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(281): View more from Texas

I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.

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(281): I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add. http://tfl.nu/n27a

Replies (27) Good night (3277) Bad night (759)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.

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(248): Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke. http://tfl.nu/wb76

Replies (6) Good night (537) Bad night (1335)
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(785): View more from Kansas

if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.

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(785): if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start. http://tfl.nu/i0wv

Replies (16) Good night (844) Bad night (1356)
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(541): View more from Oregon

We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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(541): We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin. http://tfl.nu/h15a

Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (494)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.

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(765): I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/djj8

Replies (8) Good night (1571) Bad night (429)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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(508): Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada. http://tfl.nu/kq1p

Replies (5) Good night (386) Bad night (879)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.

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(816): Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire. http://tfl.nu/gpak

Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (690)
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(912): View more from Georgia

I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not

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(912): I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not http://tfl.nu/o8dj

Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (415)

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