I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She made me pour olive oil on her.