Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.

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(619): View more from California

Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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(206): View more from Washington

If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.

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(904): View more from Florida

A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.

(904): View more from Florida

I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.

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(970): View more from Colorado

You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues

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