Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again