Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.