Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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