I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.