Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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