I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we made out on top of his cat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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