they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
