She said her name was "party"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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