Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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