what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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