I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My life is pants optional.
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