My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
