APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
