My brain says no but my pants say off.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
