what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
