I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
