She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
